Everybody knows the game. Given three people, you choose who you’d marry, who you’d fuck, and who you’d kill. I like to apply the idea to different things—TV shows, books, restaurants, stores. Really, it’s a fun way to categorize almost anything. So tonight, I’m choosing between The Vampire Diaries, Pretty Little Liars, and The Secret Circle.
Fuck: The Vampire Diaries
It’s a little bit tricky to evaluate the shows as a whole and decide which belongs in which category. But I’m going with fuck for Vampire Dairies for two reasons. Obviously, you’ve got a whole host of attractive characters—Damon, Stefan, Alaric, Elena, Katherine, Klaus, Matt. Pretty much everyone on the show is wildly gorgeous. But the whole vibe of the show is sexy, too. Sometimes it’s over the top, cheesy, and tries too hard to be sexy. Sometimes Ian Somerhalder overdoes the whole crazy eyes thing. But overall, it gets my vote for Fuck.
Marry: Pretty Little Liars
This category is a tough one, because I think of it as the show you’d stick with long term. Clearly, Pretty Little Liars has backed itself into a corner in terms of the implausibility of the character(s) of “A.” But there’s something about the show that makes me want to stick with it, even when I’m yelling at the computer screen. The variety of characters, the setting, the actors who look like they’re in the mid-twenties—it just hits all the sweet spots for a campy YA TV drama.
Kill: The Secret Circle