Make Believe Mondays: Ask the Cranky Divorcee

People love advice columns, and they hate being lied to. So when an advice letter lacks that certain ring of authenticity, whether it be addressed to Dear Prudence or Cary Tennis or Dan Savage, readers tend to get upset.

But does it really matter whether the letters are real?  Matthew Felling points out, “Advice letters aren't front page breaking news. They're not Jayson Blair or Stephen Glass territory. Advice letters are exchanges that speak to general concerns that the readers will empathize with – like fables or "One To Grow On"s. You want an advice letter to resonate.”

In that spirit, the Cranky Divorcee will be doling out advice in response to completely false letters from totally imaginary people.  Today, characters share their burning questions about forbidden love.

Dear Cranky Divorcee,

I have this problem. I’m a young woman living in a supernatural mystery series by an incredibly popular author. I can find dead people, because I was hit by lightning. But that’s not the real issue.  I’ve got the hots for my stepbrother Tolliver, who I grew up with. Should I tell him how I feel? What happens if he doesn’t feel the same way? I can’t avoid him, because we work together. He’s the only one who can help me get through the anguishing experience of finding dead people.  I’m constantly jogging to burn off some of my sexual frustration, but it’s just not enough anymore! What  do I do if I find myself totally alone with him, like, say, stranded in a cottage during a blizzard?

In torment,

Harper

Good god. Honey, the question you should be asking is why you’re irresistibly attracted to your stepbrother.   Get thee to therapy. Now.  I don’t care if you find dead people; a good therapist will help you get to the bottom of your boundary issues. I’m revolted, but you need to have a quickie with your stepbrother and get the urge out of your system. Work through the shame and guilt and move on, because if you can avoid a relationship with your brother, you could go on to enjoy a long life. Your writer churns out umpteen novels about the characters she like (we're talking double digits), so don’t get on her bad side. But I have a feeling you won’t heed my advice.  So don't be surprised when you don't get another book. People do not want to read about step siblings skipping off into the sunset in matrimonial bliss.  On the other hand, you may have a future in a different medium. So if you do get a second chance, please--hands off your stepbrother!


Next: a complicated love triangle unraveled: